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Author Archives: Kristopher Kelly

Review: In the Tall Grass

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October 26, 2012
Book Reviews
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In the Tall Grass
In the Tall Grass by Stephen King
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Not horrible, but sort of annoying. Two people pull over to try and help people lost in a field of tall grass. Madness ensues, and, of course, they can’t get out of the grass once they get in the grass.

It’s like Day of the Triffids meets Children of the Corn. But both of those others stories are better.

I liked the ending (apart from the goofy tag, which I think could have been accomplished with one sentence), but the rest of it … I don’t know. I didn’t get into these people. I didn’t really care. I was mostly bored by this. Even for a short read, it felt like work.

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Ed at Eleven: Suite From the Score for the Motion Picture

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October 26, 2012
Ed at Eleven
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Another piece I wanted to share. This is another collaboration between myself and Mr. Gerry. As I edit the novel based on the score based on the screenplay, I continually return to this piece for guidance. Rob did a great job, and this music has put me back on the right track with Ed more than once.

From Rob’s program notes:

Ed at Eleven: Suite from the score for the motion picture (2010)–commissioned by Adam Gallant for the UNH Brass Quintet

This piece began in 1999 when Kristopher Kelly, myself, and coworker Keith Leonard decided to come up with a movie story instead of calling strangers to ask them about their cable service. Kris wrote a screenplay, but the story has evolved since (soon to be a novella, Kris?). The casting of the young, quirky, yet mainstream leading lady has changed with the times; Christopher Walken is still the obvious villain. Rob Gerry plays the hero, as he is more dashing than ever. Here’s some promo copy to whet your appetite:

Ed at Eleven (synopsis by Kris, summer 2010)
Ed (Rob Gerry), a news anchor with the secret ability to push his eyeballs out of their sockets, discovers he is happiest when sneaking into places no one wants to go. He stuffs himself in his own oven. He breaks into his dentist’s office and sits in the operating chair. He crawls into a coffin buried for centuries and sleeps with the dead. A young camera operator, known only as the Girl of Smiles (played simultaneously by Ellen Paige, Thora Birch, and Christina Ricci), begins stalking and soon falls for this local man of mystery. She’s on the run from entrepreneur, social gadfly, and self-help leader, Imayen Fosurat (Christopher Walken), who believes the key to happiness is not having any choices. When Imayen discovers the Girl of Smiles’ secret love, he hatches a plan to destroy Ed. As Ed prepares for his biggest job ever–breaking into an abandoned prison to spend an evening in an electric chair–the Girl of Smiles must face her inhibitions, reveal her secret love, and prevent Imayen from turning Ed’s dreams into a deadly trap. (96 mins. Rated R for bloody violence, strong sexual content, and language.)

So that’s the story. The music is a collection of tunes and themes that had been sitting around for a long time. Some of them were written with the score in mind, others were not. But I think I’ve found logical, pleasing places in the sequence for these other tunes, and writing effective transitions was a fun challenge.

One musical element I’d like to point out is the “Ed at Eleven” motto or theme: E-D-A-B. E, D, A are obvious enough; the B comes from the set-theory protocol of labelling B as 11. This theme occurs throughout the piece, both melodically and harmonically, literally and in transposed forms (the evening news fanfare uses just these four pitch-classes). The following is a series of possible scenes that could correspond with the music I’ve chosen.

-Overture/Ed’s Theme (Ed in oven–cut from bulging eyes close-up to Ed in anchor chair)
-11 o’clock With Ed (evening news cliché cue)
-Daydream 1 (Ed’s mind drifts during a report)
-Commercial Break: Fosurat’s Mango Salsa (mariachi music)
-Daydream 2/The Girl at Home (The Girl remembers dancing while watching Ed on TiVo–her music blends with the commercial music; commercial ends)
-Our Man (Alone) On the Street
-Club IF (Ed gets jumped OR Imayen plots with henchmen)
-Daydream 3/Ed Gets the Girl (Ed gets out of trouble. Don’t ask me how. But it’s a happy ending.)

Snow Recedes

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October 26, 2012
Songs and Poems
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A while back, a friend of mine asked me to write some lines for him about spring that weren’t the standard-issue, “spring means hope!” kind of stuff. He wanted to write some music around the lines, but he didn’t want them to rhyme or have any kind of set meter.

Easy enough, I said.

I wrote the words, he and a bunch of super talented musicians did the rest. I think the final result transcends my words, and I’m proud to finally have his permission to link to it here. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.


Kimberly Oppelt–mezzo-soprano
Nick Mainella–tenor saxophone
Mike Effenberger–piano
Rob Gerry–bass

“Snow Recedes”

Snow recedes, a blanket pulled from the ice
Calm hand of sun on the sheet

You can let go now
The hair horrent, frozen and taught,
veins in relaxing, melting membrane

comes loose, body rootless root, tilting mouth,
lips, months below, now surface, touch air,

calm still, no breath no breeze

Post-Mortem: Abraham Road

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October 24, 2012
Abraham Road
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Abraham Road Cover Art

Abraham Road Cover Art

John Mandler: So you said you weren’t going to self-publish again, and then you did anyway.

Kristopher Kelly: Exactly.

JM: Feel good about that?

KK: Nope.

JM: Why did you do it?

KK: I thought it would make a good Kindle Single. I thought they’d accept it. I’d read a lot of Singles. Thought this was definitely on par, if not better. Shows what I know.

JM: And so?

KK: Just got word back. Another one for the rejection pile.

JM: That’s a shame.

KK: I know.

JM: I’m not even real, am I?

KK: Afraid not. This is another self-interview on a mostly-ignored blog about a self-published book that’s going nowhere.

JM: Oh yeah, how are sales?

KK: Inconsequential.

JM: Are you quite done with self-publishing, then?

KK: Who can say. Probably. Maybe. I think so. I don’t know.

JM: You submit a piece to McSweeney’s again this week?

KK: Sure did.

JM: Good luck with that. You gonna be all right, hoss?

KK: More or less. What’s that the reality competition people always say? “You ain’t seen the last of me!”

JM: So we’ve not seen the last of you?

KK: I dunno. I hope not. But this one hurts.

JM: Smarts.

KK: Stings.

JM: Burns.

KK: Kick to the groin.

JM: Slap to the face.

KK: Stick in the eye.

JM: A muddy one.

KK: I thought it was a great story. I thought it would connect.

JM: Yeah. Writers always think that. Not always true, is it?

KK: No, indeed.

JM: Will you start submitting to real places, please?

KK: Yes. I guess.

JM: Will you quit fucking around and focus on editing those novels?

KK: Yes.

JM: Good. Now get out of here, chump. I’m sick of talking about you.

Review: The Girl Next Door

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October 23, 2012
Book Reviews
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The Girl Next Door
The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Okay, now I need like … a cup of Ovaltine and a mid-80s Tom Hanks film. I just feel like I watched a True Crime marathon and need to scrub the naked depravity from my brain.

Is there a sub-genre of children chained in the basement stories? Because this book is like that, if you crossed it with Lord of the Flies to make it even more unpleasant. I wanted to reach through the page and strangle everyone involved.

Unfortunately for me, when I get angry at a story, I can’t help but keep reading.

It’s also based pretty much on a true story, where two sisters were left with a horrible woman in Indiana and tortured by the woman, her sons, and some horrible neighborhood kids. It’s an incredibly powerful book, but the simple fact of it being so closely tied to a very real incident really fucks me up.

In the author’s note, Ketchum claims he toned some of the real-life details down.

Christ.

And I had such faith in humanity to begin with!

This is why sometimes the horror genre needs to go supernatural. Supernatural abilities come in handy in stories like this. Just ask the “I like you” girl from V/H/S how she deals with bad situations …

I’m sorry. Bad joke. I’m in a dark place right now.

Actually, that’s true. There are no lights on and it’s 1:20am.

Someone want to try and sell me on the ol’ everything happens for a reason bit again?

Now … about that Ovaltine…

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A Very Few Special Words About Why I Love Horror

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October 21, 2012
Commentary
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I get asked this question a lot, and I always feel like I’m being asked why I like strangling small furry animals (I don’t actually like strangling small furry animals — I much prefer feeding them and turning them against their owners!). So, while I was listening to the Beyond the Pale radio show on my way to sit and watch Paranormal Activity 4, all the while reading a little Jack Ketchum in between everything else … I paused and tried to think for a moment what it is about all that stuff I find so compelling.

I don’t want to waste a lot of words explaining why I love what I love. Fans of romantic comedies don’t have to justify why they like pap. But horror fans are singled out; it’s a bit unfair, but it doesn’t seem like it’ll ever change. So fuck it. I’ll answer the question.

A large part of what I love about horror is not necessarily being scared, but rather I just fucking love being in a world that feels more like home to me than anywhere else. Being scared is part of it, though, because being scared and feeling overwhelmed by a dangerous, powerful world is also more recognizable to me than the world depicted in your average Ashton Kutcher flick.

And really — that’s it. It’s that simple for me. Sometimes the monsters are my heroes, something they’re my nightmares, but all of it feels like it’s part of a world where I came from, a world that makes sense to me.

In other words, it always feels like home.

It may not for you. And that’s cool. We’re just not from the same place, capice?

Another Reason I Love NYC: KGB Bar, Fantastic Fiction Reading Series

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October 19, 2012
News and Events
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The first thing I thought when I walked into KGB Bar this past Wednesday for the Fantastic Fiction reading series was that it was the kind of bar I’m always looking for: plenty of space to grab a seat at the bar (that changed fast), good jazz music playing, and writers everywhere.

I took a seat and ordered Jameson’s on the rocks, then spent the rest of the night drinking bottles of Baltika #3. Russian beer!

John Kessel and S. G. Browne both gave good readings. I was unfamiliar with both writers’ work, but I enjoyed what I heard. Looking forward to next month when Jack Ketchum will be reading.

Yeah. Jack m’f’in’ Ketchum.

Did I mention that there’s no cover to this series? That I just walked in, had a few drinks, and listened to some quality writers read their stuff?

Also of note for me: the great Ellen Datlow runs this series. I actually had a short conversation with her and shook her hand. She mentioned that after the readings, everyone’s invited to join the hosts and the writers across the street for Chinese.

I might’ve run screaming from the Sphinx’s eyes this week, but next month I’m going to steel my nerves and have some lo mein.

Just another reason I love living here.

That, and the public transportation system.

Review: Nightmare Magazine, October 2012

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October 17, 2012
Book Reviews
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Nightmare Magazine, October 2012
Nightmare Magazine, October 2012 by John Joseph Adams

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

What a great debut issue of a promising magazine! I also enjoyed listening to the podcasts for two of the four fiction pieces (if you want something to listen to this Halloween, I’d highly recommend going to iTunes or wherever great podcasts are available and downloading the Tales to Terrify episode from this week, featuring Laird Barron’s story, “Frontier Death Song”–the reading and the story are both a lot of creepy fun). The interviews with the authors seemed a little cursory (I’ve enjoyed interviews of this nature a little better in One Story, for example), and I’m looking forward to the column discussing the horror genre digging deeper in the coming months; this issue’s defense of horror is fine, but it also makes points Peter Straub has been making for decades. Overall, however, this magazine is exactly what I want showing up at my door every month.

The standout stories in this issue for me are definitely Barron’s aforementioned “Frontier Death Song,” about a man chased by some nasty heavies from the Alaskan wilds (Barron himself raced the Iditarod three times, and his authority over such material here is a real benefit), and also Sarah Langan’s “Afterlife,” which is a clear lock for inclusion in any self-respecting anthology of the year’s best horror. “Afterlife” tells the story of a woman, trapped in her abusive mother’s house for forty-plus years, trying to convince the ghosts in the attic to move on before it’s too late. The gift for grim, inspired details in Langan’s story reminded me a lot of the same quality I loved so much in Katherine Dunn’s Geek Love.

The other two stories were good, but they weren’t quite knockouts for me, but I’m sure there are people who will like them better. What’s nice about the magazine as a whole is that it found four distinct voices to highlight the potential range of this great genre.

Can’t wait for the next issue!

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Film Review: End of Watch

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October 8, 2012
Film Reviews
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Writer/Director David Ayer’s latest film, End of Watch, employs found footage to tell the story of two LAPD cops, Taylor (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Zavala (Michael Peña), who run afoul of a particularly nasty cartel operating in the South LA. The basic building blocks employed here–honest to goodness good-guy cops struggle to do the right thing and bring down the badguys while their girlfriends and pregnant wives worry about them at home and their superiors give them stern talking-tos in the office–should have resulted in little more than a bundle of cliches. But End of Watch is better than that.

What makes it better for me is first and foremost the investment the filmmakers and actors make in the two lead characters. The concepts behind them might well be pretty common, but the details and natural charisma between these two more than overcomes the limits of the fundamental ideas. I really liked both of them a lot, and the time spent with them in the movie’s quieter, more joyful moments pays dividends when the shit starts to hit the fan.

End of Watch transcends its cliches as much as it transcends its genre. This is not a buddy cop film, no matter how much it looks like one. It is, actually, a horror film, and the found footage aspect functions less like Cops and more like The Blair Witch Project. I have seen a lot of cheesy scenes where cops run into burning buildings to save children, but never have I seen that scene made to look so much like two people fighting their way through such a hellish inferno. The cinematography keeps you very much in the moment, and in doing so allows you to realize just how downright terrifying it could be to be a cop. There’s also some intensely gruesome scenes that went well beyond the limits observed by some recent horror films I’ve seen.

The film also does a nice job of underplaying the horrors hidden around the next corner. It’s very good at making everything appear normal on the outside, before ratcheting up the nightmare in ways that would make Fulci proud.

End of Watch is exciting, scary, and effective, and it’s high on my list of best films I’ve seen this year.

Reality TV Show Drinking Game

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October 8, 2012
Concept Humor
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DRINK! … every time someone mentions “the chopping block” or “going home tonight”

DRINK HARDER! … whenever someone says it would suck to go home at this point in the competition

DRINK AGAIN! … every time there’s a montage of faces while dramatic music plays and no words are spoken nor actions taken

CHUG-A-LUG! … for shameless product placement

SLURP IT! … whenever you ask a co-worker about recent developments on this week’s such-and-such

BURP IT UP AND SWALLOW IT BACK DOWN! … when you feel sad when such-and-such loses and/or wins an Emmy

GARGLE IT! … when a person on the show says “it is what it is” or “it’s a game” or “I came to play”

QUAFF THAT SHIT! … whenever God is thanked for anything related to the events transpiring on this week’s such-and-such

DUNK YOUR FACE IN IT AND BLOW BUBBLES! … for use of the word “blindside”

HAVE A GLASS OF WATER! … whenever an insight into modern-day race relations or gender politics is made, because … damn! no one saw that coming!

PUMP YOUR OWN STOMACH! … whenever someone states winning such-and-such has been his or her “dream” for his or her “whole life”

PUMP YOUR NEIGHBOR’S SEPTIC TANK! … whenever the person talking about his or her “dream” has yet to reach the legal voting age

GO BACK TO THE STORE! … whenever you make it all the way through your DVR backlog, but hurry — you don’t have time to waste!