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The fake blond walked just ahead of the fat man on the sidewalk that morning. The fake blond was skinny, attractive; the fat man was bald and had a misshapen nose that made his face interesting but not attractive. The fake blond was in sales; the fat man was a successful character actor.

The day felt equally hot to both, and it caused them both to sweat profusely as they walked, yet their thoughts were rather different.

For the fat man, his perspiration was suffered most acutely between the wrinkled loaves of his ass. He felt the rivulets form and the water drip into the crotch of his boxer-shorts, and he imagined his moist, shit-smeared posterior in the most negative of ways. He grew quickly paranoid that everyone on the street around him could smell his filth, and what he wanted most was the coolness of an air-conditioned bathroom and the ability to wipe himself clean again.

He didn’t know it, but his ass was being stared at by the fake blond woman walking behind him. She too felt the discomfort of the day’s heat, but she felt her sweat mostly around her breasts and the swath of bare flesh where the sun was hitting her back and her shoulder-blades. Unlike the fat man, she relished the sensation. Being regarded as beautiful so often, she found every moment of filthiness refreshing—mainly because it helped her to feel like she was part of the rest of humanity.

She stared at the gray pants of the man in front of her with a feeling of satisfaction, for that is how the beautiful eat the ugly.

KeyboardSoooooo … guess what didn’t happen on Friday or Saturday? No writing! Not a word! Why? Because I had work and Spanish class Friday night, then it was hangout with the boys time, and Saturday I was wiped out and lazy. I watched a movie, Un Prophete, which I will review probably soon, but that’s not enough. Isn’t it inspiring to read about someone working so hard on their dream?

Not really? Ok. No. I don’t suppose it is.

A friend of mine once said, in an effort to goad me into writing again, “You’re not a writer. You’re a librarian who likes to call himself a writer.” These are haunting words, and they’re what I deserve after two days of slacking.

So today, as you may or may not be able to tell, it was more procrastination. Went to a matinee of Kick-Ass, reviewed it (it took way too long to write that little scrap of opinion), and played some Peggle before I finally got down to writing anything real.

And oh yeah … I then took a break to watch Survivor and Treme with the roommates. Great shows, but was I writing. Nope!

Is 500 words a day really so hard?

So I made up the deficit of the last two days and then some. Not bad, but I know I would actually be further along if I’d actually worked those last two days.

As far as what I wrote goes, I actually liked it. It was pretty fun to write. I was making my way through a big reveal tonight, and I think it ended up being a pretty great moment. Always fun when you get to write a big scene like that.

Whatever there was between them, it was long gone. Freddy couldn’t look at the monster anymore without thinking about what it had done to the young boy, and the monster couldn’t look back at Freddy without feeling like it was being chastised for eating too much peppercorn salami at a dinner party.

The monster reflected on its chains and held them in its claw.

“I understand that it’s just what’s in your nature,” Freddy said. “So, really, you shouldn’t blame yourself. You’re just being you.”

The monster had nothing to say, as it couldn’t form words. Its language was only grunts and cute mewling sounds that it used to make people believe it was cute and not hideous. It made neither of these noises now.

“I know I dragged you here from that swamp, too, and I know that it wasn’t what you wanted. Maybe if I’d left you where I found you, none of this would have happened,” Freddy said. “So, you see, from a certain point of view … this is all my fault, isn’t it?”

The monster was tired of this man and his desire to absolve the creature of all its sins. It was just another way the human was anthropomorphizing the monster. The monster was a monster. The monster knew that. Why did this pesky man have such trouble with it?

The monster would have recited the story of the frog and the scorpion to the human if the monster had been able to use language. It was a funny thing being so well read without the means to speak or write, but that was how it had always been for the monster: a brilliant mind distilled through powerful and unceasing hunger. It was a dilly of a curse, really. The monster wasn’t even sure where the reading voice in his head came from (it sounded like a gentle soul—bit of a tenor, really; it was a voice you could get bad news from and still feel like smiling). Every time he bent eyeball to text, there it was.

“It was the best of times,” the voice would read, “It was the worst of times.” At no point would there be a sibilant ‘s.’

“So I guess that’s it, then,” Freddy said. He looked at the monster, and the monster could see tears in his eyes. This had clearly affected him.

The monster dropped its chain to the floor and waited. Any minute now, the man would unlock the monster with promises to return the monster to its swamp. The monster could see this coming, as it could also see itself consuming Freddy and ripping into his salty flesh. The monster was looking forward to it, and it realized that it would forever be grateful that it couldn’t communicate beyond its two sounds. It would never end up like Freddy: pouring the internal out to the external world, and making everything sad and pathetic in the process.

Kick-Ass Stub

This super-antihero film exists in three worlds without belonging to any one of them. It is part superhero film, adhering most closely to a riff on the Spider-Man origin story. It is also a critique of the genre (think The Incredibles, Mystery Men, or The Tick). Finally, it’s a straight-up, full-blooded revenge flick. That it sincerely wants or tries to be all three types of films will confound some, probably because we’ve seen so many superhero films lately that when a movie doesn’t follow convention it can seem off-pitch. Roger Ebert recently took moral exception to the film, but I don’t think it’s any more irresponsible than any of the dozens of candy-coated superhero films that thoughtlessly equate vigilante justice with moral responsibility.

The story focuses on Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), who is a boring teenager in search of a personality. He orders a costume online and sets off to fight crime. But Dave is not a hero; he’s irresponsible, and his actions at times have terrible consequences. The film is as much a critique of Dave’s hubris and naivete than anything else. By the film’s end, I was just hoping he’d find some way to redeem himself for his idiocy.

None of which is to say I found him intolerable. I thought he was utterly nuts, but he was also often braver than I think I would ever be able to be. My girlfriend said she really wanted to see a nice training montage where he learned to be a better fighter. I agree, but I think it’s a credit to the movie that it stayed away from any easy beefing-up of its unfortunate main character.

Kick-Ass keeps it messy, and that puts it closer in spirit to Watchmen than X-Men. But where the film version of Watchmen ended up feeling rather turgid and not all that fun, Kick-Ass is an absolute blast, owing in no small part to its terrific supporting cast. Nicolas Cage and Chloe Moretz as the father/daughter crime-fighting team of Big Daddy and Hit Girl are the best part of the movie, capturing both the joy of watching talented assassins do their thing and also the creepiness of masked family bloodletting. Maybe it’s Nic Cage’s mustache, or maybe it’s the way father and daughter bond over bullets and knives, but their relationship is both awesome and extremely disturbing.

I guess that’s why I loved this movie so much; it’s aware of its own sick heart. Big Daddy rips off Batman’s costume design but uses guns to freely slaughter rooms of thugs–things Batman would never do. The costume disguises the identity of the crusader as well as the psychosis of the man committing the violent acts. Like Kick-Ass himself, Big Daddy and Hit Girl are characters to root for even while you worry about their mental health. What the film version of Watchmen managed to do with Rorschach, Kick-Ass achieves with all its major crime-fighting characters.

It’s a complicated vibe, but it works. Fiction should never have to behave itself, and Kick-Ass delightfully makes a lot of other superhero films look dreadfully square in comparison. It’s deviant, subversive, inappropriate–and a whole lot of fun.

5/5.

Kick-Ass, directed by Matthew Vaughn. Written by Jane Goldman and Vaughn, based on the comic book by Mark Millar and John S. Romita Jr. Running time: 117 minutes. Rated R (for strong, brutal violence throughout, pervasive language, sexual content, nudity and drug use — occasionally involving children).

KeyboardIt’s always easy to meet a goal in the beginning, and today is no exception. Distracted by this blog itself (messing around with styles, fonts, and plugins can really make the hours fly), I still managed to turn up the Gogol Bordello and crank out the day’s quota (with some to grow on).

This is only the fourth time in my life that I’ve passed the 100-page mark (single-spaced pages, baby–the way the crazies write). Right this moment, I guess I’m feeling like the book is flawed, clumsy, a bit of a pile of shit, really, but how else am I going to learn? Besides, this book is my freaking albatross; if I don’t put it down soon, it is going to be the end of me.

I sometimes think about what it would be like to finish it again. It’s such a sweet thought.

The demon threw the decapitated baby on the floor and said, “Your point?”

The human in the room found this quite disconcerting. “I really didn’t think it was going to come to that.”

Five days ago, he’d been eating ice cream in the park with his mother, who’d wanted nothing more than to explain the virtues of some magic hooks she’d bought from the home shopping channel.

“You should buy them. You’d see,” his mother had said. “But you don’t care about how cluttered your apartment gets. That’s the problem with you.”

Not the only problem, Harry thought now. I also let babies die in front of me.

Trees, Cave, WaterfallThe Goal: Try to get my novel done by October 2010. This thing has been vexing me, on my mind, and yet elusive since 1995. I’ve written it twice as a novel, twice as a screenplay, and I’m still not satisfied.

This will be the last time.

I have a goal of 500 words a day. Seems easy enough … except why then is my average right now only slightly above 200 words?

There have been a lot of lapses. A lot of days where the thoughts weren’t coming or the story wasn’t easy to find. I’m trying to tell myself that quality doesn’t matter, not now, not yet. Forward progress is the goal.

One of my characters in particular is a permanent headache. He’s a cop who is supposed to be smart and likable, but he’s witnessed some things recently that have broken his mind a little. I think he’s coming across as a downright lunatic, and I’m feeling this urge like the undertow on a beach to go back and completely rewrite his character.

But I know that road. I’ve been down it before. And it only leads to another unfinished version of this horrible book. So I won’t do it. I’ll keep going with this bizarre mess of a guy in my book, and maybe today he’ll start coming into better focus for me.

I can dream anyway.

Daukherville Cover Art

Daukherville Cover Art

This is the cover art I designed for my book when I wasn’t writing the actual words for it. Love it, hate it, or somewhere in between? Leave your comments and let me know what you think; there’s a chance if no one ever decides to publish it that I’d self-publish for the Kindle and that this would be the official cover.

A few people have asked what the top half of the image is, and so I’ll tell you:

It’s Manhattan, warped in PhotoShop to look like trees or mountains. But yeah… That’s a city right there. The yellow glow is from all the traffic. (The image I derived it from is actually used as one of the header images for this site.)